You're Letting Us Down
By Carlos Santiago
It had been three weeks since I was laid off, and I was still trying to figure out how to cope. Conventional wisdom said I should get out of the house, so I joined a new men’s group at church.
But as soon as the first guy asked what I did for a living, I wanted to leave. Officially, I didn’t “do” anything anymore.
What was I? A job hunter? Unemployed?
I heard myself give the answer I had given a thousand times before: “I work in IT.”
But this time, it was a lie.
Searching for a job is exhausting. Each day follows a similar pattern: Wake up early. Identify possible positions. Customize resume to fit role. Write a killer cover letter. Apply. Hear nothing. Land an interview? Still hear nothing.
Rinse and repeat.
Each failure chipped away at my confidence, feeding seeds of self-doubt. Eventually, even a simple “How’s the job hunt going?” from my wife felt like scathing criticism.
After a long day of failures, it felt like she was screaming, “You’re letting us all down! You need to do more!”
Often, how we receive our spouse has more to do with what’s going on inside of us than anything else.
When I felt myself slipping down the spiral of negativity and getting overly defensive, I spent more time reading my Bible. I was reminded what I do is not who I am.
I am a child of God, a follower of Christ.
The next time you hear what you think is a negative comment from your spouse, remind yourself of what is true. You might just find yourself reacting differently.
The good stuff: The Spirit himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and fellow heirs with Christ, provided we suffer with him in order that we may also be glorified with him. (Romans 8:16-17)
Action points: What lies are you believing? Create a list of Scriptures to remind you of what is true, and memorize them. Are false beliefs hurting your marriage? Do you have trouble giving your spouse the benefit of the doubt? Make a list of statements about your spouse to remind you what is true.
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