The Malted Milkball Falcon

Chris: Hi, this is Chris. Welcome to Adventures in Odyssey.
Jay: Give me a break, Jay. I couldn't have eaten that many malt balls and you know it. What about you, Priscilla? Maybe you ate them.
Priscilla: Me? Impossible. I ate a pinata full of chocolate malt balls?
Jay: Aha, so you admit it.
Priscilla: You've got to be kidding me. You have all got it wrong.
Whit: All right, everybody. That's enough. I didn't ask you here for a fight.
Jay: Then why are we here?
Whit: I'd like to thank each one of you for your sacrifice last night. You admirably rose to the challenge of raising money for orphans in need. And for that, I'm grateful.
Emily Jones: Well, not all of us performed admirably. Someone behaved as a thief, and I'm ready to expose the culprit.
Barrett: Look out, everybody. Emily Sherlock Jones is about to solve the case.
Whit: Do you think you've got this figured out, Emily?
Emily Jones: The pieces are falling into place.
Whit: Well, maybe we should talk first.
Barrett: No, that's okay, Mr. Whittaker. I think we're all curious to know what the genius detective has come up with. Go ahead, let her talk.
Whit: Well, if everyone agrees.
Emily Jones: Okay, well, let me retrace our steps by going back to the beginning of what I call the case of the chocolatey malt ball goodness pinata that someone took.
Barrett: That's not going to work. Honestly, you are the worst at naming these mysteries. How about the case of the malted milkball falcon?
Jay: Can we get on with this?
Emily Jones: Well, as you all know, Mr. Whittaker planned for weeks to raise money for an orphan care program at his church.
Whit: An orphan care program, Emily.
Emily Jones: Right. You wanted some new and innovative ways to raise money for orphans. And one day at Whit's End, I had an idea. A rock-a-thon.
Guest (Male): A what? You mean like a geological field trip? Or are you talking about music?
Emily Jones: No, I mean rock, rocking in a rocking chair. Kids get sponsors to pay them for how many consecutive hours they can rock without getting out of their chair. We did one for my youth group last year and stayed up all night. It's fun. It tests your endurance and it's a great way to raise money.
Nelson: Wait a minute. Are you saying you can never get up?
Emily Jones: You can sign out for bathroom breaks.
Nelson: That's a relief. When my youth group did a rock-a-thon, we asked the sponsors to pay $10 for every hour we rocked, but I think we could charge $20 for something like this.
Whit: How does it work?
Emily Jones: Well, we could start at 7:00 in the evening and go until 7:00 the next morning. $20 for each hour times as many kids as we could get could really add up. And it would be fun. What do you think, Mr. Whittaker?
Whit: I think it's a wonderful idea, Emily. I'll host it here at Whit's End.
Emily Jones: Yay. I'll spread the word to my friends.
Barrett: I'll announce it at school.
Whit: I know some businesses I'm sure would love to sponsor you. I'll write up a list.
Emily Jones: Great. Thanks, Mr. Whittaker. And don't worry, we'll raise a lot of money for the orphans. You can count on us.
Whit: I know I can, Emily.
Jay: Great. So you want to take credit for the idea.
Emily Jones: It's not about credit, Jay. It's about establishing the backdrop to what happened, just so we're all clear.
Whit: Go on, Emily.
Emily Jones: Matthew and I immediately began planning the rock-a-thon. We talked to sponsors, created activities, and gathered rocking chairs. Before we knew it, six businesses offered sponsorship for six kids. And all of us offered to do it. Then the big night came and we all gathered here at Whit's End.
Matthew: This will be a perfect night.
Emily Jones: Okay, everybody. We have stacks and stacks of board games over there, comic books over there, and snacks over there.
Nelson: Snacks.
Barrett: I brought my laptop so we can watch movies.
Emily Jones: All boy movies, I suppose.
Barrett: This one's called Buck Norris and His Flying Feet.
Nelson: Any romantic comedies?
Emily Jones: Let's see here. This looks promising. It's called The Good, the Bad, and the Unhygienic.
Guest (Female): That sounds heartwarming, Nelson.
Priscilla: I think this is going to be harder than I thought.
Jay: Look here. I've prepped my chair with an inflatable seat cushion. Instant padding.
Emily Jones: What are all those pockets on your chair, Jay?
Jay: Emergency snack compartments.
Matthew: Do we have enough blankets?
Nelson: I'm not going to need any. I'm wearing my triple-padded, double-stuffed winter coat. A blanket needs constant tucking in. With this, I get no slippage.
Whit: Hey, guys. Ready for the big night?
Emily Jones: This is going to be harder than I thought, Mr. Whittaker.
Emily Jones: Stop saying that, Priscilla. Relax. We're going to have a blast.
Whit: I want to take a moment to thank all of you for pulling this event together. I called my pastor this morning and he was grateful and excited that you would go to all this work to raise funds for the orphan care project. And for a little added incentive, he gave you this.
Barrett: A pinata. What is it, some kind of bird?
Whit: It's a falcon, filled to the brim with bags of chocolate malt balls. Anyone who makes it through the night can have a whack at it come morning. Now, the time sheet is on the clipboard. You sign out when you take a restroom break. Note the time you leave the chair and the time you sit back down. Got it? Are you sure you're ready for this? Well then, have a seat and start rocking.
Matthew: 11 hours, 59 minutes, and 45 seconds to go.
Priscilla: This is going to be a lot harder than I thought.
Barrett: I have to go to the bathroom.
Emily Jones: Okay, so we have the setting and the cast of characters in place.
Jay: Right. Miss Marple did it in the library with the candlestick.
Emily Jones: Cut it out, Barrett. Anyway, everyone got into the spirit of things. We had lots of food thanks to our very generous parents.
Matthew: But no pizza.
Emily Jones: We played games and the guys watched dumb movies.
Nelson: Those movies were awesome. Look at that. Did you see that? It's completely unrealistic. The ship could never have survived an attack from that jelly monster. No way. Let's watch something else. How about Revenge of the Mutant Ninja Porpoise? Or the original Invasion of the Mutant Ninja Porpoise?
Nelson: The original. Let's definitely watch that.
Whit: How's everyone holding up?
Matthew: This staying up all night thing is a breeze. How are you, Priscilla? You look uncomfortable.
Priscilla: I'm waiting for Emily to come back so I can use the restroom. Good for another hour.
Emily Jones: Where's the clipboard?
Whit: Over here. Here you go. 11:48. Well, I'll be upstairs working in my office now. I'll check in on you from time to time, but don't hesitate to call out if you need anything.
Matthew: Really? Well then, I could use a rocking couch.
Emily Jones: As time went by, our enthusiasm wavered. We all thought staying up all night would be fun, but we got tired. And as you know, some of us fell asleep.
Jay: I don't know what you're talking about.
Emily Jones: Anyway, morning came, and so did Mr. Whittaker.
Whit: Good morning, all. Matthew, are you awake?
Matthew: I'm awake. Wide, wide awake.
Whit: Nelson, what are you doing over there in the corner?
Nelson: Rocker creep. I was too tired to move back.
Whit: Where's Emily?
Emily Jones: Over here by the window, Mr. Whittaker. I was watching the sunrise. It's so pretty. What time is it?
Whit: 7:00.
Emily Jones: 7:00? Really? You mean we're done?
Whit: You're done.
Emily Jones: I can't believe this night is finally over. Where's Barrett?
Barrett: Hey. You're out of your rocking chair. I remembered at 5:00 that a friend asked me to cover his paper route today. I told you I was leaving, Em.
Emily Jones: That must have been during my hallucination phase. Where's Priscilla?
Matthew: She's in the bathroom again. Is Jay awake? Jay?
Jay: Chili dog. Not taking another corn dog.
Matthew: He's out. Did anyone see when he fell asleep?
Nelson: I think it was somewhere around 72 bottles of pop on the wall.
Whit: Well, maybe this will wake him up. It's pinata time.
Jay: Pinata. I get the first whack.
Emily Jones: I don't think so. In order to get a whack, you had to rock all night.
Jay: I slept like a rock. Does that count?
Whit: Not. Besides, I think the first swing should come from the girl who came up with the idea for this rock-a-thon. Emily, would you care to do the honors?
Emily Jones: Are you kidding? Yes.
Whit: All right, well, swing like you're aiming for the bleachers. Here you go.
Emily Jones: Put some serious hurt on that falcon.
Matthew: Maybe I missed something, but wasn't candy supposed to fly everywhere? It's empty.
Whit: That's strange. How could that happen? I know it was full of malt balls when I brought it in.
Matthew: Someone must have taken them.
Emily Jones: Okay, nobody leaves the room. I'll have to interrogate each of you individually.
Whit: All right, now before we jump to conclusions, let's just ask. Does anyone here know what happened to the candy? What about Priscilla? Maybe she took all the candy to the bathroom with her.
Priscilla: Sorry to take so long, but it's after 7:00, so I figured. Why is everyone staring at me?
Jay: Okay, out with it, Priscilla. What'd you do with the malt balls?
Priscilla: The what? What's that in your hand? My toothbrush.
Jay: I bet you brushed your teeth with that thing, huh?
Priscilla: Is that a serious question?
Jay: Caught at the scene of the crime, brushing away the evidence. Seize her. Seize her.
Whit: All right, now, wait. Calm down.
Priscilla: What's going on?
Jay: Like you don't know, you chocolate malt ball thief, you.
Matthew: Someone ate all the malt balls in the pinata last night. Barrett.
Barrett: What?
Matthew: You stole them. You just said someone ate them. How would you know someone ate them unless the someone that ate them was you?
Barrett: I just assumed maybe.
Jay: Put him in irons. Throw away the key.
Whit: All right, all right, that's enough. Everyone stop. I don't want any finger pointing. No one should say another word about this unless you want to own up to what happened.
Emily Jones: We need evidence.
Whit: Look, you were all awake last night. No one could have taken anything without you seeing it. Isn't that right?
Jay: Actually, I was sleeping the whole time, which means everybody else is a suspect. They're working together. A malt ball cartel.
Whit: That's enough, Jay.
Emily Jones: Hey, maybe we should start with the sign-out sheet.
Whit: We could, but I'd rather not turn this into a courtroom scene. I think we should let everyone go home and get some rest.
Emily Jones: But Mr. Whittaker, the crime scene will go cold.
Whit: There is no crime scene, Emily. Now let's all meet back here later this afternoon at 5:00. I'll be here all day if anyone wants to talk to me privately. Meanwhile, I'll write up a tally sheet of your hours so you can inform your sponsors. Apart from the sign-out times, everyone stayed awake and in their rocking chairs the full 12 hours. Is that right?
Matthew: Yeah, everybody but Jay and Barrett.
Jay: Whoa, don't blame me. I have sleep apnea.
Whit: There's no blame. You did your best. All right, I'll see you all back here tonight at 5:00.
Emily Jones: Mr. Whittaker assumed we would go home to rest, but there's no sleep for a detective with an unsolved case.
Matthew: Which meant that I didn't get any sleep either.
Emily Jones: You betcha. Matthew and I looked at the clipboard with the time sheet, and a curious fact emerged. Priscilla had logged out every hour for 10 minutes at a time.
Priscilla: I explained that to you.
Emily Jones: I'm telling the story. 10 minutes at a time gave her ample opportunity to snag the falcon when no one was looking, stash the malt balls somewhere, and snack them down every hour on the hour. That made her suspect number one.
Matthew: You were never suspect number one for me, Priscilla.
Barrett: Yeah, me neither.
Priscilla: Thanks, guys. But I noticed you still came with Emily to my house and knocked on my bedroom window, Matthew.
Emily Jones: Her bedroom window. Was that upstairs or downstairs?
Priscilla: Emily, Matthew, what are you guys doing in my tree?
Emily Jones: We need to ask you some questions.
Priscilla: Wait, this isn't about the candy, is it?
Matthew: According to the log, you took more restroom breaks than a hyperactive puppy.
Priscilla: Is that a crime?
Emily Jones: No, but it does show opportunity. And you're a girl. And girls like chocolate, which is a motive.
Priscilla: Not all girls like chocolate, Mr. Stereotyper, especially this one. I'm allergic to chocolate.
Emily Jones: You're kidding.
Priscilla: Why would I kid about that? I'm allergic to a lot of things. Is that good enough for you, or would you like a doctor's note?
Matthew: No, Emily, we don't need one. Can we go home now?
Emily Jones: Not a chance. We have to interrogate the others, too. Sorry to wake you, Priscilla. See you later.
Priscilla: By the way, it's probably nothing, but I did notice something unusual. When I logged out to use the restroom at 2:00, Jay was off his rocker.
Matthew: That sounds normal to me.
Priscilla: Was he taking a bathroom break? If he was, the log didn't show it. But I noticed when he came back that he was holding his stomach like you do when you have a stomachache.
Matthew: Maybe he did have a stomachache. But why?
Emily Jones: Because that's what happens after you eat six bags of corn chips. Or a pinata of malted milkballs. Well done, Priscilla. I think you just solved the case.
Matthew: Now maybe I can finally get some shut-eye.
Emily Jones: Not so fast, Matthew. We're not done with this investigation. Like Mr. Whittaker said, we can't accuse anyone without evidence. We need to talk to Jay.
Jay: She said what?
Emily Jones: Priscilla said that you had a stomachache, the kind that could have been caused by eating too many chocolate malt balls.
Jay: Unbelievable.
Emily Jones: Is it?
Jay: Yes.
Matthew: So you didn't have a stomachache.
Jay: Oh no, I definitely had a stomachache.
Emily Jones: Why?
Jay: Because of your rock-a-thon. I can usually hold a silo's worth of corn dogs and spicy ranch-flavored chips. But when you combine that with rocking back and forth for 12 straight hours, guess what you get?
Matthew: A stomachache?
Jay: Bingo. It's funny, though. I notice in Priscilla's story that she left out one very important detail.
Emily Jones: What's that?
Jay: When I came back from the restroom, she and Barrett were in the hallway talking. Unless I am very much mistaken, Priscilla handed Barrett a chocolate malt ball.
Emily Jones: Wait a minute. Why didn't you say this at Whit's End?
Jay: Me? No, I'm no stool pigeon. Goodbye.
Emily Jones: Priscilla held back on us. And so did Barrett. But that's good news.
Matthew: How is that good news?
Emily Jones: Since he's your brother, you can go home and talk to him by yourself. See ya.
Matthew: Forget it. You're not done until I'm done.
Matthew: You're accusing me? Get off it. You're definitely following the wrong set of breadcrumbs.
Emily Jones: Then why were you eating a malted milkball?
Barrett: Priscilla found one on the floor. We figured they fell out when Mr. Whittaker hung the pinata.
Emily Jones: Why didn't you say anything about it?
Barrett: Because I knew you'd do what you're doing now, make a big fuss over nothing. Satisfied?
Emily Jones: Not really. And for the record, I think losing trust in someone is worth making a big fuss over.
Barrett: Duly noted. But could you at least sugarcoat it? Emily sugarcoat something? I'd like to witness that.
Emily Jones: Wait a minute. That's it.
Barrett: What? What's it? If you're going to be cryptic, then I'm going home to bed. In fact, I'm going home whether you're going to be cryptic or not.
Emily Jones: Fine. Just be at Whit's End at 5:00.
Barrett: What did I miss just now?
Nelson: Beats me. She's your sister.
Emily Jones: And that brings us to right now, the present. I believe I have deduced our culprit.
Whit: Well, Emily, while I appreciate your fine detective work, I don't think any of you could have taken the malt balls. You were awake. Someone would have seen.
Emily Jones: Please, Mr. Whittaker, bear with me. Barrett, hand me that coat off the hook there. Wait a minute. That's my coat. That's right, Nelson.
Whit: Well, hold on, Emily. You should explain.
Emily Jones: Nelson wore his big winter jacket to keep warm instead of using the blankets.
Nelson: Blankets slip around too much.
Emily Jones: Right. And a coat is useful for other things. Like eating malt balls. I knew it was you. You asked for proof, Mr. Whittaker. I was thinking about Nelson's coat when he first came in and how comfortable it looked. It was all cushiony and smooth and had all these neat pockets. And here we are, hours later, and it looks bumpy. Nelson, may I see your coat, please?
Nelson: I'd rather not.
Whit: Go ahead and give her the coat, Nelson.
Nelson: Here.
Emily Jones: I'd just like to check the lining on the inside. It snaps in, right? Let's see.
Nelson: We knew it, Nelson. This is bad.
Jay: Apprehend him.
Emily Jones: There you are, everyone. Another case solved by the Jones and Parker Detective Agency. You can applaud anytime.
Nelson: But I didn't do it.
Jay: Right. Then how do you explain all those malted milkballs?
Nelson: I bought them. Really, I did. I felt bad about how things turned out this morning. It was like all of the specialness of doing something good for the orphans was lost because the candy went missing. And I should have seen whoever took it, but I was listening to music with my headphones and reading and I kind of get in my own world sometimes. Anyway, I thought I'd buy some malt balls, bring them here tonight and put them somewhere so we could find them. Then everything would be okay again. I could tell Mr. Whittaker was disappointed with us this morning. I thought this would help.
Emily Jones: Yeah, you expect us to believe that.
Nelson: Yes. Why would I carry stolen malt balls around all day and bring them back here so you'd catch me?
Barrett: That is a very good question, guys. Why did you, Nelson?
Nelson: I didn't.
Whit: Actually, Nelson didn't take the malt balls. He's telling the truth.
Emily Jones: What? But he had to. He was my last suspect.
Whit: You missed one, Emily. Me. I took the malt balls.
Jay: My head just exploded. Why?
Whit: I came in to check on you all several times between 4:00 and 7:00 this morning when everyone was supposed to be rocking. Each time I came in, you were all asleep or in the bathroom, but not rocking. All except Nelson, that is. But like he said, he was busy and didn't see me. So, I took the malt balls. I thought it would force you all to admit that you hadn't really done what you said you'd do. After all, how could someone break open the pinata and take the malt balls if you were awake?
Jay: So clever. Nice one.
Matthew: I'm sorry, Mr. Whittaker. I tried staying awake. I even had four cups of coffee, and I hate coffee.
Priscilla: I tried splashing water on my face every hour for the longest time, but I eventually wound up falling asleep in there.
Whit: I don't mind you falling asleep. I knew it'd be difficult to stay up the whole night. But I do expect you all to be honest. The log says that you rocked the entire night, but that's not really the case, is it?
Matthew: No. I just wanted to raise more money is all.
Whit: Matthew, the only money that God will honor is the money that you come by honestly. And I think you all owe Nelson an apology. He's the only one who actually did stay awake all night.
Emily Jones: Sorry, Nelson.
Nelson: It's okay, thanks.
Jay: Hey, wait a minute. I didn't do anything wrong this time. I admitted I fell asleep. Good for me.
Emily Jones: Enjoy it while you can.
Whit: So, shall we tally up your real rock-a-thon hours?
Jay: I vote that we do it after we devour these chocolate malt balls. What do you say, Mr. Whittaker?
Whit: Well, you bought them. Do you think everyone deserves them?
Nelson: I guess not, but I'm willing to share anyway.
Whit: In that case, ready, set, go.
Chris: In Psalm 139, David asks, "God, where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there. If I make my bed in the depths, you are there." In other words, there's nowhere we can hide from God. He knows everything we think and sees everything we do. That's why it's important to tell the truth all the time, not only in the big things, but even in the small things, even when we think no one else is paying attention. That's the way to live a life that honors God in every way. What did you think of today's episode? Write to me at Adventures in Odyssey, Colorado Springs, Colorado, 80995. In Canada, that address is Box 9800, Vancouver, BC, V6B 4G3. And be sure to check out our website at whitsend.org to find out how you can get a copy of today's episode. It's called "The Malted Milkball Falcon." Adventures in Odyssey is a presentation of Focus on the Family. Today's episode was written by Kirby Atkins and Dave Arnold, with sound design by Christopher Diehl, and music by John Campbell. Our cast included Christina Puccelli, Andre Stojka, Zach Callison, and Whit Hertford. And I'm Chris, hoping you'll join us again next time for more Adventures in Odyssey.
Nelson: Is anyone going to eat that last malt ball?