New Life LIVE: August 10, 2026

New Life: Welcome to the New Life LIVE podcast. We hope to provide help and hope in your life through God's Word, counselors, and psychologists as we answer questions from listeners who call with the challenges of life. Let's go to today's episode. Hello everybody. Yes, our phone lines are open. It's Becky Brown. I am hosting today. Brian has the day off, and I'm so excited because it's all the wise wisdom of women today. We've got Dr. Jill Hubbard, clinical psychologist, and Dr. Alice Benton. Hello ladies, how are you?
Jill Hubbard: Hi, Becky.
Alice Benton: Hello, Becky.
New Life: I know it's always such a fun Monday to start with all of us and all of our listeners who are going to call in and ask the questions at 1-800-229-3000. But first, I would love to know, Alice, what is on your mind?
Alice Benton: What's on my mind, Becky, is the way various things on screen seduce our children and draw them into unhealthy situations. There are multiple examples I could bring up, and just one is chatbots who have had documented romantic relationships with minors and other chatbots who have coached minors into suicide. This has been before Congressional hearings lately, and thankfully, some of the major social media platforms have been called to task on this and have been fined millions of dollars to start taking children's mental health and safety online more seriously. But the ugly truth is that these platforms are out to make a buck, and they're going to do it by seducing our children, drawing them in, and keeping them drawn in. You may recognize one of the names, Adam Rain. He took his life, and it was documented how a chatbot that he befriended coached him towards suicide, even helped him to write a suicide note to his family.
New Life: Alice, wow. When you're talking about a chatbot, explain what that is. I know what it is, but I want the listeners to know what you're talking about.
Alice Benton: It's an artificial intelligence personality, basically. These personalities can be built to one's liking. You can tell them that you want them to be like a personality in a movie or a TV show, and they take on that personality. One of the most dangerous aspects of artificial intelligence is that it's built to be affirming. Affirmation and empathy are a good thing when they're paired with truth. But if someone is expressing suicidal ideation and they're only getting affirmation that suicide is a good idea and will be a good escape for them, it's obviously fatally dangerous. It's built into so many of the algorithms because that holds time and attention, which translates into dollars. So there are a couple of things that we parents and even grandparents can do in order to help protect our children. One is examining and cleaning up our own digital diet because it's very likely that many of us are also engaging with these forms on screen, probably doing it secretly while holding a different standard for our children. The second, we can develop the courage to reset our standards, prioritizing first faith, second family, third fitness, brain fitness in particular. The last one, we can draw closer to our children both on screen and off screen. There's a research study. Adolescents were surveyed, and 69% said no adult checks on what I'm doing on screen, ever. This is fatally dangerous to remain ignorant of what our children are doing on screen.
New Life: And to remain ignorant about what is happening even, like you just said, some of us who are older, who are doing this as well and are unaware of the implications of it. Well, if you're having trouble with chatbots or human people in particular, human bots, yeah, they're everywhere. You can call us. 1-800-229-3000. Alice and Jill are so wise, and I know that they're going to give you great wisdom. Make today the day that you start your new life. We'll be back right after this break. To find out more information about New Life or to order any of the resources mentioned on today's program, call 1-800-NEW-LIFE. Now, back to New Life LIVE. Welcome back. I just want to give a shout-out to an event that New Life is partnering with, the Hope for the Heart. We're doing the Hope Together Conference. It is October 1st through 3rd in Allen, Texas, which is right outside of Dallas. You can join in person or virtually. I'm thinking about you who serve in the local church, you are having a call to ministry, or you're in ministry and you want to learn some more things. Come and join us there. I'm going to be doing a pre-conference on life recovery and how it impacts the church. God bless you, Jill. I'm also going to be sharing that on Friday, a different aspect of it, but there are some great speakers and I know that you'll want to be there. You can join us at hopetogether.com. Use the code NLM20 to save 20%. We're going to take your calls this hour and next at 1-800-229-3000. We want to hear from you, and I know that you have a lot on your mind and your heart. We're first going to go to Louis, who's calling us from Wisconsin, listens on SiriusXM. Hey, Louis, I'm glad you called. How can we help you today?
Louis: Well, I'm glad I got enough nerve to call.
New Life: I'm glad you did too. You're leading out for everybody. You've been listening a long time, and you finally decided to call in. Great.
Louis: Basically, I'm a retired semi-truck driver of 35 years, and I contributed quite a bit to the family income exclusively for quite a few years. While that was going on, my wife was at home with the checkbook and in control of the money. She paid all the bills and took care of the family expenses. The only thing we talked about basically dealing with money was buying a car or furniture or improving something. That's fine, but she had control of everything. Since I was gone on the road all the time, I didn't have a chance to go shopping or spend any money anyway. I really didn't have any—I'm not a materialistic person at all, thank the Lord. But now it's come to the point where I feel like I've got a new life. I've got new opportunities, and I'm being so stifled by her lack of—she knows that I want to have more equality in choosing discretionary spending especially. Then it gets as far as the house, how well it's taken care of, and the clutter. It just drives me up a wall because I look at my life and I have to have organization, and that is not the way. Clutter is not an organized situation. I've got ideas about it, but she won't listen to me. I want to have a good relationship with her, but I'm alive, but I'm not living.
Jill Hubbard: Oh, Louis. Louis, how long ago did you say you retired?
Louis: Well, it was this year in April, but several months ago.
Jill Hubbard: Okay, so several months ago. You guys were married for how long? 47 years? Okay, so over all these years and certainly the last 35, you set a precedence. You set a pattern and a way of living that because of your career, it took you out of the home. It sounds like you had a divide-and-conquer strategy here and that you trusted her with all of that. But you were out of the home a lot. I hear this all the time from couples where there's a radical change. Retirement is a radical change in lifestyle because suddenly you're home. Where you got to be completely in charge of your truck, the way you kept it, your environment on the road, coming home is different. You both had autonomy of your own space and worlds. I find that it's really hard for couples or any type of traveling job to reintegrate into sharing the space. Your wife got to do it the way she wanted, and now you've come home and you want to give input. She's like, "No, I've been doing this for the last 35 years." This is a new territory for you guys to negotiate. We women tend to see our environment, whether organized or cluttered or however, as an extension of us. Even if we don't like it, it's kind of ours. So for you now to want a greater say, I can see why your wife is resisting a bit and bucking the system. Instead of taking it—even though I can see how it could be hurtful to you—realize it would be like her coming into your truck and saying, "Oh no, let's move things around in here. I don't like the way you have it." There has to be a more gentle gradual discussion about this, acknowledging you've been doing this all these years. Your system, even if it's not my system, it's worked for you. Even a little bit of dysfunction can be functional. It's worked for you. Acknowledge that she has been the driver of the home. Give her that, and come alongside her and say, "How might I enter in so we can be co-captains here, co-drivers, and we can each feel like we have some autonomy?" Have you had any discussions like that, Louis?
Louis: Yeah, I have, but they've been pretty short, and she doesn't say much of anything. I'll make a proposition to her as far as like the budget that just makes logical sense to me and it would be just satisfying me completely. But I feel guilty for what? I don't know why. I feel guilty because I'm intruding. I'm changing her style of life, but mine doesn't exist. The Bible talks more about money than anything else, and it really does have an impact on people's decisions, I think.
Alice Benton: Louis, you're making what seems like a very reasonable request, and so it's confusing that she is so shut down to a relatively minor change, especially when you've been the head provider for the family for all these years. Louis, I've had the pleasure of getting to know some truck drivers on a deeper level. My goodness, you fellows have a very difficult, lonely job with a lot of suffering. There is so much self-sacrifice in what you do every single day. I think it's hard for the part of the family that stays home to really understand that because your wife probably felt your absence, probably complained a lot about your absence, and maybe felt like she was raising the kids alone, even though you're working incredibly hard to provide well for your family. Does that description somewhat fit your experience?
Louis: Yes, but actually, it's kind of strange. She went to truck driving school and she drove for five years with me.
Alice Benton: Oh, really? So she actually knows. She's had a taste of it. Another problem enters in here, too, though. We're two different denominations. Actually, I'm non-denominational and she's Catholic. There was a debate right from the beginning of our marriage what religion were the children going to be. It's been kind of like a battle behind the scenes she's planning, not intentionally, but it's just that she wants to protect her belief. It's actually been hard to communicate on some core issues probably since the very beginning, or at least since you had children. So I also heard from you, Louis, that you are alive but not living. That sounds to me like life has been very heavy for you for quite some time. I'd even wonder about symptoms of depression and possibly clinical depression. You said, oh yeah?
Louis: Yeah, I've been on medication for depression for 40 years, maybe.
Alice Benton: And have you ever received individual counseling? Hard to do as a truck driver. Have you two ever received couples counseling? No. My guess is that even if this is unfair, I think your wife has felt criticized by you in these totally legitimate requests that you're making since you retired, but I think she feels criticized. I think it has not been addressed enough how hard life was on her that she had to take leadership in so many of these areas. So my suggestion to you, in order to get closer to your goal of equality in how the finances are used, you might have to address her pain first and your own symptoms of depression. When we have depression that is insufficiently treated, it often comes out as irritability and critique and negativity. The person that's most likely to be targeted is our spouse, even though we love them. That's where it usually comes out. My suggestion to you is to let her know, "I think you feel criticized by me since I've been home, and I want to know what that's like." You just listen to gather information, Louis, which will be really hard to do. The second one is to let her know, "I think it was hard on you that I was gone so much and you mostly raised the kids on your own, and I want to hear what that was like for you." Then separately, Louis, after listening really humbly and with gentle curiosity, in a separate conversation, even a different day, say, "I want to learn how to be a better communicator with you. I've struggled with this our whole marriage all the way back to the Catholic non-denominational discussion. How about if we get a third party, a professional, to help me be a better communicator with you, wife?" I want you to take the majority of the responsibility even though the hope is that she'll open up as well and learn a few skills if she enters into couples counseling with you. We can connect you with a counselor from our network.
New Life: Well, and you know what I love about that, Alice, is because they didn't have help, there's so much hope. When somebody says we haven't had help, I'm like, "Oh, that's good news because there is help and there is hope." I want to encourage you, Louis, to bring your wife to our Intimacy in Marriage Intensive. Jill, were you thinking that same thing?
Jill Hubbard: Oh, yeah. Louis, 40 years on meds. Meds alone is not the whole healing picture. You really do need the therapy, and you guys need the help. I think a lot of things were just put on hold because of the distance. It was easy to shelf topics. Now that you both are in the home together, you've got to work your way back to each other. What Alice is describing about you've got to emotionally connect. As you take a leadership role in that way, she may then trust you more in the financial arena.
New Life: We're glad you called, Louis. I'm glad you took the step of bravery. Listeners, you can do like Louis and reach out and call us at 1-800-229-3000 for help. Louis, stay on the line and we'll get you connected with some information about a counselor as well as our Intimacy in Marriage Intensive. That's going to be in September in Dallas, and I hope that you guys will make the decision to join us there. I'm thinking that maybe one of Jim's books you might want to get. Doing Life with Your Adult Children would be great, or Life in the Empty Nest because it's that retirement time. That is a big shift too, Jill. There's a big change that goes from this is what we always do to now we're going to do something completely different. Yet we're set in our ways. We've done this way for so long. For Louis, his sense of purpose now and shifting. God's not done with you yet, Louis, so don't give up. We're so excited that there's an opportunity for you to heal and to grow. We're going to go back to the calls. 1-800-229-3000. We're going to talk with Lydia, but I hear the music, Lydia. Hold on, we're not even going to get to the first part of your question because I don't want to interrupt you, and I will have to interrupt you. I guarantee it's going to happen. But we're glad that you called. We'll get to you right after the break. I mentioned our Intimacy in Marriage Intensive because we've helped so many couples over the years. Sometimes it is the thing that you need to do that you didn't think you needed to do. You just keep going thinking, "We can figure this out on our own," and then all of a sudden you're exposed to a new way of thinking, a new way of connecting, and it changes everything. We've helped so many couples find the missing link to their connection, and they didn't know it. We just had one in Washington, D.C. in July, and I know we've got lots of couples that are on a new path for a great connection. We'll be right back after this message. To find out more information about New Life or to order any of the resources mentioned on today's program, call 1-800-NEW-LIFE. Now back to New Life LIVE. Welcome back. It's almost back to school, actually a lot of kids are going back to school today. I want to encourage you, you need to go back to school. You need to call us at 1-800-229-3000 and learn about what you are struggling with so that you can get free. I just am stuck on the fact that Louis had never seen anybody but was treated. It's just such a trap that so many people get into, but Louis is on the way to a new life and we're grateful that he called today. Right now we're going to go back to the calls. 1-800-229-3000. We're going to talk with Lydia calling us from Indianapolis and her grandma referred her to us. Good job, grandma. Hey, Lydia, I'm so glad you called. How can we help you today?
Lydia: Hi. So I'm currently 31 weeks pregnant, single, and recently moved in with my mom and 14-year-old sister. When I have disagreements with them, I'm not sure how to respond in a Christ-like manner. I'm a relatively new Christian despite being raised in the church. This is all new to me.
New Life: It's a great question. It's a hard place to be, going back home. Alice, what would you suggest?
Alice Benton: Lydia, would you share some of the circumstances around having to return home and then what are the disagreements like? Give us an example of that.
Lydia: Yeah. So circumstances are I got pregnant and started struggling financially. The dad wants nothing to do with us. I'm so grateful that my mom invited me into her home because we had a very strained relationship really since I can remember, since I was a teenager. I'm 27 now. So that's kind of why I'm here. Disagreements, a lot of the disagreements are with my 14-year-old sister. She's kind of a typical teenager, but there is a lack of discipline and boundaries. There's a lot of conflict with my mom and I when I try to set boundaries with her. My mom, too, since I was a teenager, she's good at calling me names and dismissing me, putting me down. I've been trying to learn to not respond in a toxic way and go to the bathroom and pray as what my grammy tells me. I try, and I pray for the armor of God to surround me, but sometimes she just keeps on, even little comments are dismissive of my feelings. I want to bring baby into a peaceful, loving environment, and it's scary.
Alice Benton: And what if you can't change your mom and sister enough for this to be a peaceful environment by the time this kiddo is born? Is there a plan B?
Lydia: Well, I have accepted that I can't change them. I've gotten to that point to where I just pray for the Lord to help give me what I can do to try to just not let that get to me, I guess. I really don't think that it will change.
Alice Benton: I'm glad you have that wisdom. You have very limited influence over this situation. Is there an alternative living arrangement possibility?
Lydia: No, not currently.
Alice Benton: And this rockstar grandma who has all this good advice, can't you live with grammy? Is she—
Lydia: No, she lives with one of her daughters, so no.
Alice Benton: Okay. And your dad, is he not in the picture, not in this home with you all?
Lydia: No, ma'am. He lives in Arkansas. My mom was also a single mom and raised us by herself. My sister, my mom's been a single mom pretty much her entire adult life.
Jill Hubbard: And is it just you and your sister?
Lydia: I have an older brother, but he lives in Ohio and he and my mom haven't been on good terms for years and don't talk.
Jill Hubbard: Okay. So there's kind of a history too. Do all of you have the same dad?
Lydia: My brother and I do, my sister and little sister and I do not. And he's not involved either.
Jill Hubbard: Okay, I wondered because she's a lot younger than you are. Yeah. I think that's why, like you said, Alice, that this situation may not change. You're already 31 weeks along, so this baby is just around the corner coming soon. Whenever we come back home after we've been gone for a while, it's hard to be back at home and there's some regression that often takes place, meaning that people go back to their old roles. I hear you saying mom is doing the name-calling and things like that. So it's like, okay, you're grateful that you have a place to be with at least a physical environment and some support that way. But your emotional support is going to have to come elsewhere. It sounds like you do get that from your grandmother. I'm wondering if you have a group at church, friends that are around you that can be kind of your emotional support team that you can go and vent to about the latest happenings at home to help you make different choices in responding. We're coming up on a break here.
New Life: You don't have to apologize, Lydia. We're going to take a break and we'll be back. One of the things I want to say, though, Lydia, is thank you for keeping your baby. And we celebrate that. We'll give you some more wisdom on the other side of this break. Call us, 1-800-229-3000. Every day we hear from people all over the world who are looking for hope. They've been lost in a relationship struggle, addiction, anxiety, depression, all kinds of ways. Wouldn't you love to be part of a rescue team? Don't miss your opportunity to be part of something that changes lives every single day because every one matters. Your generosity helps find them. We've seen God work in the lives of so many people over the years here at New Life, and we want to invite you to be part of what God is doing. 99 for the 1 is our partner program that you can give to the ministry on a monthly basis to make sure that we continue to reach out to the lost. Call 1-800-NEW-LIFE, 1-800-639-5433, or newlife.com/99for1. Join the mission. Rescue the one and restore the many. Welcome back. Some of you just heard that commercial for our 99 for the 1 partners, and if you are part of that, we're going to have a Zoom tomorrow night with me and Alice. Alice is going to continue that conversation of challenges of living in a screen-saturated world, and it's not just about your kids. So if you are part of 99 for 1, you can join us. Look in your email or call us and we'll get you that link. If you're not part of 99 for 1, why not? You can join today, you can make a difference in the lives of so many people. Now, we're going to go back to Lydia. Lydia, we were championing you for keeping your baby, and we know that this is really the clock is ticking before we go back to Jill and Alice. I have a question. When you say that your mom calls you names, I just am curious about what kind of scenario where mom would get to a place where she's calling you names.
Lydia: Usually it has to do with me voicing my opinion on the lack of parenting with my sister. It's hard for me to watch certain things be allowed because I'm able to foresee certain consequences to those things and seeing she's not really going down the best path. Typically that's when it does have to do with my disagreement with that. For me, I need to learn self-control to just accept what it is, but typically that's when that's a very sensitive topic, I think, with her.
Jill Hubbard: Well, I'm sure your mom feels criticized. You're 27, your mom is older than that. You've had your issues, I'm sure, and so now you're trying to tell her how to parent. Even though you may be absolutely right, I can see where that would be hard for mom to hear. So you might have to find a different approach, Lydia. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your sister, but I'm wondering just even instead of feeling like you want to set boundaries with your sister and step in as the co-parent, what about trying to connect with her and finding out what she's about and being able at times once we connect with somebody, then we can kind of offer some input. But you certainly from your experience could share some ways in which you made certain choices that you wish you hadn't and what you've learned. If she wanted to talk things through with someone other than mom, you'd be happy to listen and just to really listen to her and show some interest. Sometimes we have to do that killing someone with kindness and love to win them over. But if you're just there as someone like, "Okay, I see the truth now and you guys are doing it wrong," they're not going to be receptive to that.
Lydia: It seems like I get more pushback, which makes sense. It makes a lot of sense. It's hard because it's really personal because I see a lot of the things my mom does or doesn't do and I know directly how that can impact me now as an adult. So I'm able to see that in my sister, and it hurts me. I don't want her to feel the hurt that I endured that could have been prevented. But creating that safe space for her in love because I think, how does Jesus want me to respond to this? Sometimes I'm black and white. I'm like, maybe I just don't need to talk to them, shun them out, and that doesn't work.
Jill Hubbard: No. As awful as it is to have your mom calling you names, every time she does that, realize, "Okay, she's feeling criticized." Maybe lean in and say, "Mom, I realize I may have been critical here, and I'm sorry." Offer her something different that she's not expecting from you. That's the way to kind of change the environment, but you've got to think the long game here, not the short game.
Alice Benton: Lydia, I'm kind of excited that we're discovering even though your mom explodes, you sometimes light the fuse unintentionally. That means you have the power to not light the fuse by not giving unsolicited advice. Research shows that the brain basically goes to sleep when it's receiving unsolicited advice. None of us like it, and we rarely profit from it. Picking your battles of when to say something, I think I would limit it for now to only emergency situations. Otherwise, it will probably not be helpful to try to correct your mom.
Jill Hubbard: Well, and here's the other thing, it probably is also you trying to work out your resentment towards your mother for how she raised you if you can save your sister. That's the stuff that you have to grieve with others.
New Life: You know, so along that same line, though, Jill and Alice, Lydia, we talk about something here all the time called attachment styles and attachment wounds, core wounds. The big question is not what's wrong with your mom, but really what happened to her and what caused this sort of pathway that everybody's on. Now you are repeating it. That's not a criticism. That is just we have to get curious and we have to look into the story and not criticize each other because we haven't walked in your mom's shoes. We celebrate the fact that she invited you back into the home, but you are also in a real critical time. I love what Alice said about finding your team. You need to have people who are able to help you when you can, and it could be even another home within the church body, which I think would be incredible because this is a critical time and we don't want you to get to the place where baby's coming and now what am I going to do? But I also have a heart, a tenderness for the mom as well. This is a lot. I know that there are families that are listening right now that it may not be an unplanned pregnancy. It could be that somebody's addiction has taken over and now they have to come home or they've got treatment that needs to be happening. Families are struggling, and as a church body, it's important for us to do that but we also need to be thinking about how can I support people finding hope and finding help. Of course, I would say you can help us, New Life helps us do that every day. We want to help people find that way and so glad that grammy, she's the award-winning grandmother who referred her granddaughter to call us. Maybe you're a grandma and you have a grandson or granddaughter that needs some help, then call us at 1-800-229-3000. To find out more information about New Life or to order any of the resources mentioned on today's program, call 1-800-NEW-LIFE. Now back to New Life LIVE. Welcome back. We are doing webinars now where you can join us for about 90 minutes and learn something and get some questions answered. Our next one's coming up September 17th, 7:00 to 8:30 Central Standard Time p.m., and it's called From Addiction to Freedom: Biblical and Clinical Help for Lasting Recovery. Our friend and counselor Eric Thomas, who presented our webinar last year on boundaries, he's a trusted clinical expert in addiction and recovery. He's worked at our Every Man's Battle Intensive, and Eric has such a joy about life and can just communicate the possibilities of moving from addiction to freedom. You know what? If you aren't struggling with addiction, you might know somebody that is, and you need to join us that night. You can find out about understanding the emotional, spiritual, and behavioral costs and roots of addiction, you can recognize unhealthy patterns. If addiction is part of your story, whether it is somebody you love or you are struggling with it, join us on that night for your way out to freedom. September 17th. You can go to newlife.com and you'll get the information there as well. We're so excited for these webinars because it is a great way for people to get connected. We also want you to know that tomorrow we're going to have Max Lucado on. He's going to have his new book out, it starts tomorrow. He called us and said, "I want to be on New Life LIVE," and his new book is Unbreakable Courage: Strong Faith in an Age of Anxiety, Chaos, and Exhaustion. Just like with Lydia's call, she's got unbreakable courage. Max is such a great communicator, pastor, he's considered the nation's pastor, I think is what we call him. Max is going to join us, and he'll be able to answer your calls if you want to call in. We'd love to hear from you now, too, at 1-800-229-3000. We also have ways that you can submit a question. You can go to newlife.com and click on radio and there's a way for you to submit your question. We've got one from Anne, who's from Ontario, Canada, and her question is: What is the best approach to manage hurt feelings in the relationship with our adult daughter? Isn't that interesting? Because we just got off the phone with Lydia. This is the thing, right? She listens on SiriusXM and is grateful for all we do. The background is their daughter is a young, beautiful professional woman, and they provided a wonderful life for her and we're all believers. She's been independent, and we admire her for this and we've always been supportive. But in the last couple of years, it feels as though she's pulling away. There's been no specific incident, and my husband retired early to assist with childcare when she had her first child. We have continued to support with childcare. It seems that with the exception of major holidays, she mainly agrees to a visit when we are needed for babysitting. In between times, there's minimal to no interaction. If we go watch the kids at a team sport, she's very preoccupied with friends and barely acknowledges us. We find this hurtful, but we also want to keep peace in the family. There are other times when she's more engaging, but this is rare. She's also read Jim Burns' book Doing Life with Your Adult Children. All right, Jill, Alice, what would you suggest to Anne?
Jill Hubbard: Well, you know, this is just something that we hear more and more of and that it's so difficult. A lot of times we hear of complete estrangement where someone completely just cuts all physical ties off. But this is more like that emotional distance that happens. I think some of it too is that our kids really do live in a different world than we do, and the way they approach things is different than we do. So I think we have to examine some of our own assumptions about relationship and really try to get behind their eyes. Now, certainly, we know that kids when we do a good job, we work ourselves out of a job. And that kids internalize their parents, and so they take us in on the inside and often forget that we still want ongoing relationship. It's like they've gotten enough and now they're out in the world. But I think it's also parents also get set up just to be the constant givers and kids the constant takers, and there needs to be some reminding that two-way relationship is needed and required. At the same time, I think as—and I'm kind of speaking because I have an adult child, and I get this—they get very busy and into their own life and they don't necessarily always see the need to sit and connect unless they're hurting. Then they come running towards you or they need something. So I think to expect our adult children to be adults and to model that it's a two-way street, but to also own what have I done to maybe impede our relationship? I can sometimes give unsolicited advice that you were talking about, Alice, or sometimes I say things in a way that's taken as criticism. So I think the more we can own our stuff and let them know that we know they're busy, we respect them as adults, we think well of them, and because so, we do care to relate to them. So like putting out there a little bit of what we want but also acknowledging where sometimes we might cause them to pull away from us.
New Life: Can I say something, Jill? Just because I have adult children too. I just got off of vacation with all of my kids. But it is—there's a grieving that comes with it too. Because we miss the connection that our kids have with us. We become persona non grata, not because they don't love us. They love that we are there. And what I want to say to you, Anne, relish that part of it and really find a way to connect that you can kind of tamp down that resentment that's growing. She hasn't cut you off. She is thriving in her life. I want you to be able to see it from that standpoint. And it's sad. It's sad. There's just a grief that comes with it. Alice, you're going to know pretty soon it's going to happen.
Alice Benton: Well, and we don't talk about that enough. Almost from the day they're born, as they move through the different ages, don't you grieve the younger ages? It just keeps going, and we become, you're right, Becky, we become like the dock that holds the boat secure while they are out there bobbing on the water. But they don't always look to the dock and say, "Thank you for holding me." Part of parenting is learning how to be rejected in different ways and to even see that there's value in healthy rejection as our children are supposed to mature and move away from us. But I will say when families have been incredibly generous with childcare, I see a tendency to start taking advantage of it and not appreciate it. Anne's husband retired early to provide childcare. So sometimes becoming a little less available can start to regenerate the value that you provide to your daughter. I'd build on something Jill said. I'd have you, Anne, let your daughter know, "I really miss you, and I want to know, am I doing anything that's rubbing you wrong or making you want to create more distance between us? Because I want to change that if that is the case. And can we carve out some one-on-one time with each other?" But as you know from parenting your own young children, that might feel practically impossible, especially if she has multiple young children. It may be a season where that is not very doable, but it will come again later. So making sure to proactively lament that you've lost some level of that contact with her, but you can ask for it, but be ready to accept her answer. It may be "not yet."
New Life: And you can be like the rockstar grandmother that had Lydia call in. Speak into the lives of those kids while you have them, Anne, and I will pray for this family. But I'm glad that you submitted your question. If you are listening right now and you have a question, we're going to be here for another hour. We will answer your question. Call us at 1-800-229-3000. Thank you, Jill. Thank you, Alice. And thank you, listeners, for listening to New Life LIVE. Thanks so much for listening. We hope something you heard will help you live in freedom today. If this content was helpful for you, we would love it if you would take a minute, leave a review, post about it, and rate it. Remember, we have resources and workshops online for you as you continue your journey. Go to newlife.com to find out more information. And thank you for being part of the New Life community. We know that God desires all of us to live a life of wholeness and healing, and we're so glad that you're here.