T-I-M-E Spells L-O-V-E

Audio By Carbonatix

It’s been said before, but I will say it again: “The best way to spell love is t-i-m-e.” As Dr. Peter Newhouse and I wrote in our marriage book, The Necessary Nine, time together is one of the most important, most necessary elements in a successful relationship. Still, of all the things a couple can let slide in their marriage, time together is often one of the first things to go. 

This is especially true when couples become parents. All of the sudden, time is spent on all things parenting. There are birthday parties, soccer games, swim lessons, dance classes, guitar lessons, and a bunch of other activities that prevent couples from actually spending quality time together. Their communication is limited to instructions about who is supposed to pick up the kids, where from, and at what time. While it may seem like they’re clicking on all cylinders, the fact is that they aren’t really connecting at all. They may not think it’s affecting their relationship—at least, not until the day it all stops. 

One child leaves for college, and the other one is old enough to drive, leaving no children at home the majority of time. Now there’s no need for the couple to talk. As many parents do, they work so hard at being good parents that a necessary part of their marriage relationship has fizzled in the process. These couples, although married a long time, have to learn how to spend time together again. 

Between responsibilities at work, commitments at church, outings with friends, activities for the kids, hobbies, and everyday tasks, it’s common for a couple’s day to become filled beyond overflowing. This is true for parents of young children or those with aging parents. Couples can become obligated to so many people, places, and programs that they can’t squeeze out a spare moment for each other. It might appear that they’re doing well on the outside. They may volunteer for good causes, raise good children, and manage good relationships, but success has come at a price.

These couples have unknowingly put their occupations, playtime, talents, and even church or children above all else. This happens at the expense of a marriage. Yes, even good things can be bad for a marriage when they leave no room on the calendar for time together.

Husbands and wives clearly need one-on-one time together. It allows them to engage in real, meaningful adult conversation. It gives them the chance to let loose and have fun with each other. It creates opportunities to connect and relate to each other. Without opportunities like this, a relationship can grow stale. When a husband and wife make a habit of carving out special moments solely for each other, that commitment benefits a host of things: communication, friendship, emotional connection, and sexual intimacy, to name a few. 

I’m not suggesting that you abandon your jobs, kids, and all responsibilities. However, I am suggesting that you do everything in your power to maintain time together. If this requires letting go of some other meaningful commitments, you should let them go. If it requires making the kids feel left out occasionally, let the kids feel left out. If it requires forgoing hobbies and responsibilities, bow out. Why? Because if there is one thing you, as a couple, should keep toward the very top of your priority list, it’s t-i-m-e shared between the two of you, because that spells love. And that’s what will keep you winning at home.